Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
