You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
