You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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