i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
