Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
