Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
