That's intense
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You took a bar mat shot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
