It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
