Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
