Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
