Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
