you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
