It's Friday. Sex?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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