i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize