I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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