Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
