okay pat passed out under dana's car
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
