I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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