I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
