Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
