There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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