i just wanna soil my oats bro
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
