They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
