Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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