I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
