Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
