i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
