He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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