ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
