Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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