well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
