Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
