i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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