Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
