I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
