Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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