I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
