The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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