yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
