i just had sex bonerless
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
