doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize