I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
