he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We have so much sex to catch up on
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
