At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
