Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize