by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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