Nicole vs. Life
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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