We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
