im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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