Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
