standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
