how can u be prego again
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize