So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
