Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't deserve a penis
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
