the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
