Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
