I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
