i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize