Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
