why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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