pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
