Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
