Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dicks are not precious.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
