I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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