Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
