im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
