every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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