You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
