New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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