Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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