is your mom at the bar?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
