Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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