apparently the secret to your success is patron
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
