I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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