And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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