Just cropdusted the office
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
