9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
