It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
