I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
