I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i will never coherently bang her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
