Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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