I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
