I just made out with a guy for $7.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
